inks guide to drink

First gig ever?
It was Magazine when I was in high school - they came to our school in Canberra, and were just groovy and terrifying and weird. It was my first taste of what a band could be. And I saw these sexy looking women around them, and though "That’s the job for me."

First record?
Ziggy Stardust. I rated Bowie when I was a teenager, but don’t rate the man much any more. An amazing singer, but his songwriting hit a peak with Scary Monsters and never got back. He's become a bank now? But the guy's an alien - your bank might zoom off into space or become a ant farm or something. If I ever get to the stage where I'm opening a bank, I'm going to have become a completely different person. Bowie's cool, he's attempting to define new media, so hats off to the guy; I just think the music's gone. He's still capable, but I think he's lazy.

Most embarrassing record ?
Do I have to be truthful? I have to admit to owning a record by that boring old git with a cardigan… no, not Val Doonican, Dean Martin. That’s the cheesiest record in my collection, but I'm sure if I delved down deeper… Some albums by japan are pretty embarrassing, the ones with them looking like the New York Dolls with big hair. My wife pulled them out the collection, and I'm trying to tell her some of the music is great. But no ammount of cold logic will bring her round to my way of thinking.

Worst hairstyle?
I have naturally curly hair, so it turns into a Kevin Keegan. With curly hair, you can grow it out like a helmet, or in the 1980s there was the centurion effect, cut down the middle. But while it's growing out, it looks like a hedge. When the 70s met the 80s, I had it Kevin Keegan-becomes-A Flock of Seagulls. Basically, I was desperate to get a shag. But all you get with hair like that is sympathy shags.

Most embarrassing moment?
Me and Liam and Jo were offered a gig supporting a comedian, playing to 1800 people in the West End. It was an acoustic thing, and we can do harmonies so were thinking "cool, big break." It was only when we got there we found out that we were supporting Harvey Fienstein, the vicious camp guy. Obviosuly some promotoer had heard we did torcvh songs, and thought we'd be the perfect opener. So, the curtains open, and there's three of us, and 1800 gay men. They love us for the first song, because they thought we were part of Harveys act and they thought he was about to come on. About two or three songs in, they realise we're a support act, and then we started to get catcalls, to get booed. Especially because all of our songs are of a fairly hetero persuasion. But Liam opened his chest and finished the set. Its not that it was a gay audience, just that we weren't warned what to expect, and neither were they. But after that, nothing will ever scare us again.

Did you enjoy Liverpool?
I loved playing the Lomax, we met the owner and he was brilliant, and it’s a wonderful club. the only problem was only ardent Cousteau fans knew we were playing, so we only had thirty or forty people in. And The Lomax is quite big, so they rattled around in ratehr a desperate fashion. I'm sure we would have had more people in if they'd known we were in town - there's no point in doing gigs like a guerilla action. Oh, and we all had the flu, so we were playing through this misty, murky feeling.

If you had a gun, who should be worried?
Gunmakers. I don’t believe in guns, and I don’t believe in killing people. But I could make them do stuff at gunpoint, couldn't I? In which case, Bosnian Serb War Criminals. Or any jerk involved in a massacre. They should drop marijuana and LSD into war zones. I've never seen a stoner get violent. But its issues like this that ensure I don’t get elected.

Whats your favourite fantasy?
Its psychosexual. I'd like to have sex while surfing. Of course its possible, it might just be a little short. A lot of people's answers to this question concern water? That’s probably because fantasies are subconscious, and murky, and Jung reckons the sea is a metaphor. Also, water is a pretty high maintainence state to be in - you have to swim, or actively float, and as everything is avialable to you in a fantasy, its nice to imagine flaoting about in something warm and suppportive…

Were you surprised at the support you get from Radio 2?
Not in the least - I'm surprised how groovy Radio 2 is becoming, apart from that [sings radio 2 jingle]. We have listening audience appeal. Radio1 is different, apart from mark and Lard, they play us. We've hauled our asses round the indie fleapits, been reviewed by the NME and the Melody Maker, paid our dues; and now our serene, moody soft music is being enjoyed by comfortable old men in cardigans, we have credibility as well. We have a saying: here at Cousteau, we don’t kick ass, we stroke it.

What cartoon character do you identify with, and why?
The Brain, from Pinky and The Brain. He's like Orson Welles, colossal ideas with global implications, and he always gets trampled udnerfoot. Not that I;ve got any massive ambition.
Apart from that, Top Cat, 'cause he's a band, he's got a gang, hasn't he? But I'm more likely to be Benny.
Can I just add that the band are massive Ian McNabb fans? He always supports us when we're in Liverpool, so if you come to the Life Café date we can guarantee there'll be at least one star there…