One man and his gob
Curious, curious. Former One Man And His Dog presenter Robin Page pops up in the Daily Telegraph claiming to have been locked up for saying that rural people should have the same protection from discrimination as blacks and gays. Now, we suspect that there's something that the Telegraph may be holding back from us - we can't imagine that Cambridgeshire Police would bother themselves with investigating this if there hadn't been more to his comments - I mean, certainly they're very stupid, but not criminal in the form they're reported in the Telegraph. Yes, stupid. I'm not aware of gangs of men stabbing people to death for living in a small parish, or shoving excrement through the doors of people believed to be yeomen. Children do not have their lives ruined at school by constant taunts of "You live in a thatched cottage", although the dim-wittedness of the Countryside Alliance may yet turn this into a standard insult in playgrounds the nation over. And it turns out that Page only got locked up because he refused to speak without his lawyer present. Page moans: "Obviously somebody has not understood the message. Whereas once you were innocent until proven guilty, Gloucestershire police now assume you are guilty until proven innocent. It seems to me that I am being stitched up by the anti-hunting lobby and the politically correct." Um... is he saying that anyone suspected of a crime shouldn't be detained by police at all until a court has found them guilty? I can see that being a very popular move amongst the criminal classes, Robin. You really do live in a thatched cottage, don't you?

Cartoon boyfriends
Four years in, and finally we discover SexyLosers.com, a japanese comic strip site that's heavy on both the strip and the comic. The phrase "scatalogical humour" is usually a tautology; not so here where sexual shitting, unnatural parental obsessions, losing your girlfriend to your mother and wanking beyond the point of blindness provide the sit; the comedy virtually writes itself.

Yahoops
Yahoo has, finally, turned a corner and is starting to edge into profit. We all need Yahoo to work, if only to offer up some sort of buttress against MSN. And so why does it have to go and run an ad that's so shitty the Independent Television Commission are forced to step in and yank it off? But that's what's happened. We don't actually think the advert is homophobic, but it's certainly uninspired and rubbish, and dangerous. Imagine that it was a woman tied to the tree. Imagine the passer-by wasn't camp. Surely there must be someone who spots these things before they run?

Howzaat
Naturally, the International Cricket Committee is aware of the troubles in Zimbabwe, as it considers if the planned 2003 World Cup matches should be allowed to go ahead while Mugabe runs the country with his deft touch ("like a mad fuck"). Are they bothered at all about the implications of dealing an evil regime - one which, for example, has expelled journalists with any media organisation critical of Mugabe from its borders? They've thought of that, a spokesperson tells the BBC - "last time, they made exceptions for cricket reporters." And the funny thing is, the ICC don't appear to see why that is worse rather than better.

Bush is a moron
The last few days has seen a lot of attempts being made to shore up the standing of President Bush in the intellectual giant stakes. First, someone in the Canadian Government - the director of Communications, apparently - was forced to resign when her private remarks to the effect that Bush Is A Moron were reported in the press - we can only presume that Canadian morons took offence at the comparison. Then, the Broadcast Advert Clearing Centre rejected the adverts for 2DTV's Christmas video on the grounds that George Bush (and David Beckham) hadn't given their approval to appear in the commercial. In the ad, a cartoon bush is shown putting a video into a toaster. Interestingly, the ITC don't mind Bush being ridiculed for being a moron in programmes - like 2DTV, funnily enough - but draw the line when its in an advert. 2DTV's producers asked if it would be okay to ridicule Osama Bin Laden in an ad. They were told they'd need his permission as well.
But are we being harsh on the moron, pointing out that he's a moron? Let's just take a second to see the great intellectual works coming out of his White House. Firstly - and despite the objections of people in the military - there are members of his advisory body suggesting that the policy of reducng nuclear weapons and not using them under any circumstances is wrong. Secondly, Bush has appointed Kissinger to "investigate" September 11th. Although we suppose there's a certain degree of logic in that - the wholesale murder of civilians being an area in which Kissinger has almost unmatched experience. Let's hope Bush really is just a moron, because if, as Bob Woodward would have us believe, he's the master of his own destiny, then he's just plain evil.

Cheer yourself up: Relive Kissinger getting asked if he's a fraud by Paxman

Over here, Mr. Blunkett
We're as worried as the rest of the world over this horde of perverts and paedophiles using the internet for grooming. We think we may have found some valuable evidence:

Conduct unbecoming rides again
As the government finally gets round to enacting legislation to stop people being singled out on grounds of sexual preference, the DTI have decided that gay and/or homosexual doesn't cut it in the modern world. Instead, the law will stop you being dissed on grounds of being an OTPOSS, or someone with an orientation towards people of the same sex. Now, leaving aside the supreme ugliness of the acronymn - and the fact it sounds more like a Second World War committee designed to ensure the safety of non-service submariners - we're a little curious as to whether this is actually a defintion that accidently or otherwise neglects to include bisexuals specifically (who, on this basis, would be OTPOSorOS). The trouble is that the Department is, in a well meaning way, bending over backwards to try and avoid upsetting men who fuck other men but don't want to be labelled as gay, and have as a result constructed a terrible term that just comes across as squeamish - like "applicator" for tampon insertion devices. Can't they merely outlaw discrimination on the ground of choice of sexual partners, without the need to try and come up with a word that defines people without using, um, the word that defines them?

And, if you'd like some more tactless and tasteless humour, you could try the Scandalarbara, a Royal Scandal generator.

The Colour Supplement is a beta-test version of stuff that may have made No Rock And Roll Fun, but was off-topic.
No Rock And Roll Fun is a bit of bothsidesnow You can contact us at coloursupp@bothsidesnow.co.uk

This week on No Rock:
The Backstreet Court Case - more evidence
EMI & Me - reviewed
Pop Papers - Hello to J-Lo's new look, plus rock and dance - reunited
New contracts from BMG
Joan Jett takes Britney to task
Diana's records and Lennon's greatness considered